nothing like a little perspective

It's like being abroad has given me a fresh perspective on my entire life. Something about my place in the world is becoming clearer, and all I can do is trust in Jesus knowing that wherever, whenever or whatever, in His arms is where I belong. And although I rarely succeed at this sort of surrender, I know it is true from the bottom of my heart.

As I traveled to Krakow, Poland this past weekend with four of my Hendrix friends who are also studying abroad in Europe currently, I was given the gift of yet another layer of perspective.

The reason we went to Poland was to see Auschwitz, the Nazi concentration camp from WWII. I knew it was going to be awful, but I wanted to see it. I needed to see it. It's one of those things that I'm going to remember for the rest of my life. I'm going to look back on the couple of hours I spent there for years and years to come asking more questions, wrestling more and more. In a way that needs to happen.

Auschwitz, obviously, then was the first thing that gave me perspective. I'm not going to try to describe what it was like to go there, because there are no words. It's just that...in the past two months in Europe, I've seen so many beautiful places that make me think this world is wonderful. In every true sense of that phrase. When I was at Auschwitz, though, all I could think about was how wretched this world is. And that word doesn't even do it justice. Somehow, this world is both. It is wretched and wonderful, and I don't know if that's something we can reconcile or not, but I think there is a lot of value in grappling with this immense tension.

Accidentally leaving my camera in Chester was really disappointing. I realized I had done it about the time I reached the John Lennon airport on Friday morning. My camera is important to me not only because it captures all these fleeting moments, but also because it is a means for me to find beauty. Because I've learned that that discovery is a vitally important part of who I am. This accident of leaving it behind, though, gave me the opportunity to take in Poland and Auschwitz completely uninhibited. I wasn't trying to capture beauty or pain or anything to hold onto for later, but rather, I was simply there.

I have never been so cold in my entire life as I was this weekend. Wearing nothing short of tube socks, thigh-high socks, snow boots, tights, flannel pajama pants, jeans, an undershirt, a long-sleeved shirt, a wool sweater, a sweatshirt, a scarf, and a parka with its hood, it was March and I still felt as though I would freeze. I don't want to know what it feels like in January. I am never going to kid myself by considering moving to Michigan or Finland again. I belong where the weather is warm, and for now that can includes the lovely land of England, because after this weekend England has suddenly become quite mild.

Krakow is actually quite a beautiful city. It surprised me. Despite its history, we found some remarkably beautiful buildings and views as we traversed the streets and squares. We were talking about this and comparing all the different, spectacular cities we've seen thus far in Europe, but when Jordana asked me which one has been my favorite, it didn't take much thinking for me to realize that without a doubt it is Chester. Chester has become my home and it is a lovely home, but there is more to it than that. The reason Chester has been able to become my home has a lot to do with the fact that it is not a city. (I mean, technically in England if a town has a cathedral it is officially a city. So technically, Chester is a city. And this is an important distinction to make.) But Chester is the size of Conway, Arkansas. There is no subway system, nor any need for one. I can walk anywhere I want to go and, most importantly, you can guarantee that I'll run into someone I know almost every single time. I don't think it matters how spectacular a city is, I'm going to like a small town better. Somewhere where I'm not afraid to look at people on the street and smile. And when you're walking on ancient Roman walls, that makes it even a little bit better :) I realized this weekend that I'm a smallish town kind of girl, and that because of that reason and many more, Chester is the most perfect place for me in this entire world right now.

I didn't realize how difficult it would be to visit a non-English speaking country until I arrived in Krakow, got terribly lost looking for the "tram" (which, by the way, is a trolley), and had a train station employee laugh in my face when I looked hopeful and asked "English?" Billions of people in this world don't speak my language and I have no right to ask them to accommodate me when Polish-speakers certainly would not be accommodated in my hometown. There are so many different languages spoken across Europe. People have to learn to get by as a way of life, yet I could literally count the days in my life when language has even been an issue. I am thankful for smiles that are universal, and I am humbled by mere existence of all these different languages in our world.

I was constantly thirsty this weekend because you can't drink the water in Poland. My friends in Belgium can't drink the water either, and my friends in Ghana most certainly cannot. My friend who spent last semester in India could not, and I'd be willing to bet my friend who is currently in Uruguay can't drink her water either. Americans and British never give water a second thought. How am I not thankful for every sip?

Lastly, I realized through conversations with my friends this weekend how amazingly blessed I am by the friends I am making in Chester. They are all loving their programs, but due to the differences in the way their programs function, they haven't had the opportunity to make friends with local students like I have. It is difficult for me sometimes trying to befriend people who already had their cliques established before I ever arrived, but my English friends are amazing. They have already blessed me incredibly, and I only look forward to getting to know them more. I didn't know before how lucky I was to even meet English people, but I know now. And I am very thankful.

I left Poland with an incredible sense of gladness about my life in Chester. I am, without a doubt, where I belong. Drinking tea, walking on cobblestone streets, learning lovely English phrases, meeting beautiful people and having them become my friends...

There's nothing like a little perspective, huh?

Cheers.