I suppose you don't realize the millions of ways you are being held up until those countless forms of support, big and small, disappear. It's classic, really. Even cliche.
I am blessed with the most amazing people in my life. My parents are my everything. My family loves me more than I will ever understand. I have beautiful, beautiful friends who teach me so much and make living life together so rich. And my community group--they probably don't even know it, but those girls keep me going.
These people make me who I am. But I have found myself in England, without them all, and although it's the opportunity of a lifetime and I really am having wonderful times, I have to admit that I've felt pretty lonely at others.
I have this big room all to myself. And most of the people I have become friends with spend many nights a week at the clubs or bars. And while I enjoy going out and dancing every once in a while, I can't do it five times a week. I don't want to be sad, because this is supposed to be the time of my life. And although I have no doubt that it will be, right now on day 8, it's still a little hard.
In his book (which is one of my absolute favorites) Through Painted Deserts, Donald Miller talks about how sometimes you have to leave in order to really understand life, and yourself, and the world. I wish I had my copy with me here now, not only so that I could quote it to you, but also so that I could hold it, smell it, read a chapter...I think my comfort things are some of those supports that hold me up, too.
But I have left.
I was reminded tonight of Esther, a beautiful woman in the Bible. She herself is reminded of her own situation:
I am blessed with the most amazing people in my life. My parents are my everything. My family loves me more than I will ever understand. I have beautiful, beautiful friends who teach me so much and make living life together so rich. And my community group--they probably don't even know it, but those girls keep me going.
These people make me who I am. But I have found myself in England, without them all, and although it's the opportunity of a lifetime and I really am having wonderful times, I have to admit that I've felt pretty lonely at others.
I have this big room all to myself. And most of the people I have become friends with spend many nights a week at the clubs or bars. And while I enjoy going out and dancing every once in a while, I can't do it five times a week. I don't want to be sad, because this is supposed to be the time of my life. And although I have no doubt that it will be, right now on day 8, it's still a little hard.
In his book (which is one of my absolute favorites) Through Painted Deserts, Donald Miller talks about how sometimes you have to leave in order to really understand life, and yourself, and the world. I wish I had my copy with me here now, not only so that I could quote it to you, but also so that I could hold it, smell it, read a chapter...I think my comfort things are some of those supports that hold me up, too.
But I have left.
I was reminded tonight of Esther, a beautiful woman in the Bible. She herself is reminded of her own situation:
Who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?I think that's enough said.
found in the Manchester Art Gallery
3 comments:
I'm praying for you. Talking to you tonight was such a blessing. I love you very, very much and have faith that this feeling will soon be a mere memory.
All my love.
Hun, when ever you want to do something else, catch a movie, just hang out or smt just let me know! I'm up for a party, but I understand how you feel and don't worry they will calm down with the partying, speaking from the experience :D
Your first paragraph is a feeling I too, can now understand. It's crazy to leave behind things that support you so strongly, but I suppose once you finally return, you can be even more YOU and have a greater appreciation for the gifts God brings into our lives.
You inspire a lot my dear, and I am so proud of how you have taken everything in stride. You are having the experience of a lifetime, and even with the hard nights, it doesn't change what this experience can and will be.
I love you so much, and even though it has been hard not seeing you and talking with you as much, I know we are together in spirit (phaha, that sounds cheesy, but for REALS). I know that we are going through similar things, and that brings me comfort. I hope it brings comfort to you too. <3
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