a symphony

The rain had poured
slowed
stopped
dried against my face
taken the borrowed rainjacket off
and I might have felt a small ray of sunshine.

With five weeks left of my time in England, I stood in a field of a beautiful estate listening to Switchfoot do their thing. I don't know if I'll ever get over them. I beamed from ear to ear when I heard the lead singer's American accent address the crowd as "yall" and I found myself  lost in the poetry and sheer brilliance of their music from start to finish.

Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes. This is your life. Are you who you want to be? 

It gets me every time. And, to tell you the truth, yeah. I am who I want to be. I'm where I want to be. I with who I want to be. And I've done my very best to keep my eyes wide open these past five months.

Here at the end of it all, I couldn't be happier. And I couldn't have possibly imagined the place I would have been in these last days, standing in that field, feeling like this web of experiences and emotions and relationships was somehow a beautiful symphony.

Switchfoot is kind of me and my dad's thing. Something inside me ached listening to them without him--an ache that has grown and strengthened in these past few weeks to the point that now I feel it everyday. It hurts. It hurts so badly to be away from the people that I love. The people who love me--the people who make me who I am.

Sometimes I just want to cry because I miss them all so much, but at the same time, this is my life. And I am who, where, and with whom I want to be at the moment. I'm content.

It's these irreconcilable chords of dissonance that make life beautiful. And real. And symphonic.

I've been keeping my eyes wide open
I've been keeping my eyes wide open
Your love is a symphony 
All around me
Running through me
Your love is a melody
Underneath me
Running to me