I want real

I want to experience the world for what it really is. Reality, some might call it.

But what is real? How do I know? I'm not even sure I would recognize it if I saw it, because all I know is a world of synthetic reality.

I want to feel the grass beneath my toes.
That is, I'm tired of all the barriers between me and earth. And I really am talking about grass here, I'm not trying to be all deep with metaphors or anything. God made the earth, so it has to be pretty solidly real. And I want to encounter it. Not my suburban sod farm-grown lawn grass- I want real grass. The kind that is there because it just is. The kind that God planted and not didn't have to be approved by the community association. I want to feel it, know it for what it really is. Not what it looks like six feet off the ground, but truly, what it is.

I want to have a conversation.
Not small talk. You, me, and the space between us becoming increasingly mutual. I don't want to shake your hand on Sunday morning and tell you how good I am. You don't care about that and neither do I. I want what is real. I want to know how you really are, and I want to tell you how I really am. And if these things are unexplainable maybe we can just probe the depths of our souls to try and find some truth amidst the muck. And even if we never find an answer, that's okay, because at least we pushed past all that seems necessary and polite to speak of and truly got to what was there.

I want to watch the world and not the tv.
Maybe we'd be wiser, maybe we'd be fresher, maybe we'd be better off if we learned about the world from watching the world and not from watching some rendition of the world. Maybe I'd know more about relationships if I paid more attention to the people around me and less to the next episode of The Bachelor. Maybe I'd know more about life if I watched how real people go through it a little more than how the Gilmore Girls act it out so well. Maybe if we didn't tune out the world but chose to engage in every moment and observe those moments displayed before us our worldviews would be a little more realistic.

I want to breathe.
Yes, I'm breathing right now. We all are. But sometimes I just want to breathe. A huge, deep breath grounds me. God is real and present. And this is where I am. And this is where I need to be. And all this is glorious and beautiful. Realize the moment. Just breathe.

I want to listen to the music that is life.
Music, the kind that comes to us through radios and ipods, is amazing. It is one of my favorite parts of life, but sometimes I need to turn it off. What then do I hear? Rather than the intermingling of the lyrics of five different artists as I flip between my presets, what I hear clues me into what is actually going on in life. A bird chirps, a reminder that God is so lovely. Trees rustle, and I know His strength is perfect. Or I just hear the rattle of the car as it climbs the highway, and I am able to pause for long enough to know that this is real. Me, the car, the movement, the day, the yawn escaping from my lips, it is all real. I want to listen to that reality more. It is a whole different music.

I want to eat that which is pure.
There is something about a slice of watermelon that just delights me. Unprocessed, organic, not even cooked, it is juicy and delectable. In the realm of physics I know that my slice of watermelon is no more real than a milkshake, but to me, eating a watermelon is more than eating a watermelon. It is a connection with creation. Unadulterated, and that is real.

I want to embrace.
All that is real. I want to ascend beyond the clutter that distracts me and preoccupies my mind. With that aside, everything else I want to take in. The sky, the trees, the first moments of awakening and the last moments before I drift to sleep, the silence of not speaking when it is not the time, the scent of the air before it rains. I want to embrace it like I embrace a beloved friend. Leave the side-hugs behind, no one likes them anyways.

These are my dreams. My dreams about reality. Is this a paradox? I hope so, because then maybe I have discovered another layer of reality. And I just want to touch it.